The Trip That Never Was- Part 3, Sloggin’ it Out in Tokyo

Posted on May 4, 2011 by Emily Cannell

If I were really cruel, and let’s face it, my nickname isn’t Cruella DeVille due to the grey streak down the center of my fluffy tail, we’d start Day 6 of our tour with a traditional Japanese breakfast with something many natives adore- Natto on rice:

Natto on Rice Wikipedia.com

A very traditional dish started by composting soybeans and bacteria until it achieves a slimy consistency similar to that of cooked okra. Together they ferment happily to form a union whose blissful marriage is complete when a pungent aroma is released that wreaks havoc upon the olfactory glands while at the same time delivering a pugnacious punch to the paunch causing many to sprint for the bathroom, that is, unless one happens to be Japanese or of a ferrous constitution. I am one of the few non- Japanese that will actually partake of Natto, however, only when feeling particularly homesick for Southern food like okra and fried green tomatoes. But- one packet of Natto can kill a tour dead in its tracks so instead of starting with a light breakfast of Natto, I’ll save my Cruella tricks for another day. Everyone gets to sleep late, have breakfast on their own, after which we will begin with our first stop for Day 6 in the Ginza District of Tokyo, promptly at 9:55 in front of Mitsukoshi Department Store.

Mitsukoshi Department Store- Wikipedia.com

Promptly at 10:00, all the uniformed employees of Mitsukoshi, line up at the front doors, bow, and ceremoniously welcome the customers in to this upscale department store. At this point, our tour storms the building Navy Seal style and heads down to the basement for another very Japanese phenomenom- the food basement. Day 6- Ginza, Mitsukoshi Department Store, Akihabara, Tokyo Tower, Koishikawa Korakuen Garden –Nestled in the very bottom of most department stores in Japan, is a floor filled with food. Picture taking isn’t allowed in Mitsukoshi, however, not wanting to deprive my virtual tour goers of this wondrous site, I brought along the “fanny pack cam” which I recommend for all department store commando invasions such as these. The pictures don’t do the sweets and offerings justice, but, one gets a sense for the variety and diversity of fare. Orderly lines, cordoned off and managed by kerchiffed wearing matrons direct patrons to the counters containing items in high demand. All the big names in fashion and jewelry have a flag ship store in Ginza as the Beautiful People come in from the East to buy what is guaranteed to be the Real thing. Sauntering around Ginza’s back streets shopping with the creme de la creme, blissfully fingering Mikimoto pearls while “oohing and aahing” over a centenarian aged bonsai would send the teenagers in the group into full out rebellion, so once the locusts have swarmed through the basement and eaten everything edible, it’s wise to move along. The Tokyo Tower- In Central Tokyo close to Roppongi, looms what will soon become Tokyo’s second highest point, the Tokyo Tower. The bottom of the Tower houses an aquarium- yes- I know it’s strange- but true- and a currently a dinosaur exhibit- yes- even stranger. And right now, due to the earthquake, the very tip top of the tower is sporting a definite lean. But no matter, because to get one of the best views of Mt. Fuji you won’t have to scale that part. A trivia note for you- Mt. Fuji is called Fuji-san here. Just like a person’s name. Like Ouiser-san. All mountains are referred to as if they are people- hence Fuji-san. After soaking in the panaramic view of one of the largest cities in the world, let’s put in our ear plugs and head to the sheer chaos that is Akihabara. Or Electric town. If it’s electronic, or a game, one can find it here. I would rather spend an afternoon in a glass box covered in poisonous snakes. The pinging, popping, bell ringing and glass shattering bedlam of Electric town combined with the thousands of teenagers shopping, eyes fixed on the game currently being played as they shop, along with the lights-camera-action- of 250 shops all operating simultaneously at different frequencies infuses a player like 100 Red Bulls shot right in to the carotid artery.

Anime Character Electric Town- Akihabaran- degenerasian.blogspot.com

Best to send in the game lovers while the belly button contemplaters in the group can enjoy the Koishikawa Korakuen Garden close by:

Day 7- Disney Sea, Ueno,

What to do? The last day…. A tough choice. Here I have two options.

Let out your inner child- the one that wanted to drink beer- and go to Disney Sea. Nothing like enjoying the Disney characters, with cirque de soleil, Japanese food, and beer.

Option 2- Ueno Park

On the northern side of Tokyo lies the Ueno Park area. Attached is a map outlining famous temples, museums, pagodas, gardens, and other historic and traditional sites. It will keep one entertained for at least a day.

However, the two most important reasons the Japanese will tell you to visit Ueno park are the newest residents to the Ueno zoo- the two panda cubs. Born in September.

As they say in showbiz- never follow a kid or animal- although I’m sure there are several reasons why. So- I’ll end the tour there with a promise of a couple more tidbits that I left out of the tour for the next two posts.

As I said before, Tokyo is home to countless museums, galleries and historical sites of which books and guides cover in thorough detail. I have barely begun to scratch the surface.

Emiel van den Boomen from posted a picture of himself with one of the very elusive geisha in the comments section of the last post which I’d encourage you to check out. I would love to hear your comments and suggestions on sites you loved in Japan and any good pictures you’d like to share if so inclined… In the meantime, a few things left out- for next time….

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The Trip That Never Was- Part Two-Kyoto and Nara

Posted on May 1, 2011 by Emily Cannell

Writing the last post left me more exhausted than actually spending 3 days touring Tokyo on foot. After resting, refortifying with miso soup, squid jerky, and sake in one of Roppongi’s ubiquitous all night ExPat bars (where one must be sure to guard both your wallet and virtuous reputation) it’s time to reconvene for the next captivating installment of our virtual tour.

Pat II- Kyoto and Nara

Kyoto entails a fast Shinkansen (Bullet train) ride an hour and 45 away west of Tokyo.

When discussing Kyoto, I get very serious, so please excuse me while I don my Edo period costumed alter ego and assume a stage voice to increase the dramatic tension.

Now let’s all huddle together in a darkened tent, with nothing but the stars for light, and I’ll shine a flashlight up my nose for effect as I begin my tale of KYOTO. Please don’t crinkle your snack packages as it ruins the ambiance.

Many, many, moons ago-oh wait- wrong story- that’s the start of my Native American act, but, the beginning is similar in this factual recount, for it was around 10,000 BC that Kyoto was first established. “Blah blah blah blah” until about the 7th century when Buddhism was introduced from China. Religion usually stirs things up. And it did. Kyoto got interesting enough to fight over as birthing a religion usually baptizes a culture with legitimacy. And so it was with the introduction of a major religion in to Kyoto that the major players followed suit- enter the politicians (Shogun) the entertainers (Geisha), the Religious (Buddhists), soldiers and protectors (you knew it was coming- my personal favorites- the Ninja), and finally the artisans headed toward the emerging culture.  The capital was born. Kyoto.

At this point in my tale, I usually pause to flicker my flashlight and move the beam around the walls of the tent in a sickening circular motion. (Our attention spans are shortening as our use of technology increases.)

“BEFORE WE EMBARK UPON THIS MOST WONDEROUS JOURNEY- TAKE HEED-IT WAS ALMOST LOST FOREVER! BEFORE WE OBSERVE THESE WONDERS OF THE FAR EAST-  KNOW THIS- FOR IT WILL MAKE YOU APPRECIATE THE SPECIAL PLACE THAT IS KYOTO EVEN MORE…”

A cultural and intellectual center this ancient is bound to have a provocative history- and thankfully it remains to tell the tale. A sobering fact- and one to appreciate when visiting Kyoto, was it’s close call with annihilation. Kyoto was the original target of the atomic bomb during WWII, however the Secretary of War in the US, Henry Stinson, had honeymooned in Kyoto and aware of its historical significance, changed the location. Now, Kyoto is home to 22 UNESCO World Heritage sites- the bulk of Japan’s sites. More UNESCO sites than most countries in the world. Thanks to one American man, in the heat of WWII, while the rest of Japan lay in rubble by the same hand of fate, Kyoto remained untouched by the bombs of WWII.

All righty then, let’s pick up the tour now that the background is behind us. With teenagers and Spouses, our tour  must be limited to 3 temples and shrines otherwise whininess, pouting and fits occur. Primarily thrown by me. For the purposes of this tour, I’ve chosen based on:

1) Variety of scenery.

2) Exposure to interesting UNESCO sites from a teenager’s perspective.

3) Entertainment Value- which is not the same as educational value.

Day 4- Kyoto

Sanjusangendo Temple– 1000 Buddhas lined up and standing at attention- guarded by a few of our favorites seen at other temples.

Who can resist a Temple covered in gold? Kinkaku-Ji. Be careful with your hammer and pick- I’m sure it’s been tried before in the centuries since it was gold leafed….

Kinkaku-Ji

After two temples, I’m about done for the day. Depending on the taste of the group, there are several choices.

Option 1: Shopping is a possibility. What are the options? Kyoto is famous for:

1) Pottery

2) Scarves

3) Green Tea- matcha- a traditional green tea. Tea houses are also ubiquitous in Kyoto.

4) Incense

5) Food- there are varying types for which Kyoto is known which would be a series of post on its own.

6) Gardens

There are plenty of shopping streets in Kyoto along which a nice evening can be spent gleefully parting with one’s money. When in yen, it’s so hard to keep track of exactly how much you’ve really spent….So many zeros.

Many people peek over the fences along Gion street hoping for a glimpse of the famous Geisha. Now on the endangered list, most reside in Kyoto. If none are sighted, many places will miraculously turn you in to one for a fee. Provided you are an expert at walking in the shoes, perhaps you’ll be mistaken for the real thing and end up in a tourist’s Travel Advisor pictures.

Notice the make up on the backs of their necks

Option 2: The alternative is a Wild and Wooly ride (well maybe not really) down the river. Take the Romance train to the entry point for the Hozugawa River Boat Ride.

End the journey with a zen stroll through the bamboo forest:

Option 3: Nijo-Jinya House- This boarding house was built several centuries ago to house visiting feudal lords all of whom expected a high level of security. As such, the house is riddled with secret Ninja hiding places, undetectable passageways, and all rooms have a concealed exit to the outside just in case one needs to make a hasty escape. Currently closed for renovation, I must admit, I haven’t been there yet. When it re-opens I’ll be the first in line. We’ll see how good the proprietors are at finding the Clampitt Ninjas once hidden and ready to pounce on one another Cato-style within the walls of Nijo-Jinya.

Time to put the walking dead to bed. See you in the morning.

Day 5: Kyoto and Nara:

Here I give the choice of two temples based on the interest of the group. The first-Kiyomizu-dera– is based on its panoramic view of Kyoto which many find a highlight- especially during cherry blossom season or the changing of the leaves. Not on the Clampitt list since the only worthwhile conversation at a view-point is speculating on the best snowboarding route to the bottom.

Kiyomizu-dera Temple

The second- Byodo-In Temple or the Phoenix Temple- is on the 10Yen coin. I admit it- pure photo opportunity. Vacations are made of these. Otherwise people will flat refuse to look at your pictures.

10 Yen Coin

Now, it’s time for the hour or so journey to Nara.

Who can resist a giant Buddha? I can’t. Todai-ji. I want to whisper sweet nothings in his 8 foot ear.

Giant Buddha Nara Todai-Ji

Another option for Nara is the Horyuji Temple. Famous for two points, Buddhism was introduced here by Prince Shotoku and it’s the oldest wooden building in the world. Reflecting on the day over a good drag off the pipe would be ill-advised.

Horyuji Temple Wikipedia Image

The Bell Tower

Nara is famous for tame deer originally introduced by visiting gods as city guardians. Like many wild animals used to being fed by tourists, the deer on top of their game will bow for deer biscuits. At this point, however, our wild animal of choice is the Japanese Macaque- or Snow Monkey.

Iwatayama Monkey Park is on the way back to Kyoto. Unlike a certain paranoid country of which I am very familiar, Japan’s not overly protective of her citizen’s coming in close contact with other natural beings with whom we share planet space. With a monkey encounter guaranteed and on the horizon, the Clampitts always buy every bit of available food temptation to entice any and all remotely interested monkeys our way.

Snow Monkeys

That, my friends, is more than two day’s worth in Kyoto and Nara. Time to head back for a late Shinkansen to Tokyo.

I must give fair balance, dear friends. I have checked the tour guides long since forgotten and compared my recommendations to theirs. We must agree to disagree, the travel writers and me, for what I find entertaining about Japan, and what they think one should see, don’t intersect very often.

If I still have you with me, our tour will commence again in the next few days. Check back soon…

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The Trip That Never Was…

Posted on April 27, 2011 by Emily Cannell

The sign outside our door says, “Open.”

As in “Come on over, airfare is cheap, the radiation is fine- don’t I look younger? That gentle shaking in the night? Why that just rocks you slowly to sleep. Below 7 is nothing to worry about- really.”

The current week envisioned through my tactical planning lens in February was shattered by recent events, all visitors cancelled, so now instead of adjusting the glitches in the itinerary readying for the next wave of company, I’ll run it by all of you. Why mope over plans cancelled when we can enjoy a virtual tour of the 7 day itinerary originally planned for 4 adults with limited attention spans and 4 teenagers with no attention spans.

Day 1: Tskiji Fish Market, Imperial Palace

Arrival from the states predicts awakening somewhere between 1-3:00 AM local time. The ideal time to visit Tskiji Fish Market. The largest fish market in the world. Yes- mentioned on this blog too many times to count – read the full post here and feel free to wonder as to the flavor of each savory morsel as you study each picture trying to decipher its genus and species. In order to see all the action- get there by 4:00 AM. Yes- 4:00 AM- no later than 6:00.

Tuna auctions take place well before first light. Recently re-opened to the public after a foreigner engaged in a good morning smooch with a tuna. His photo-op resulted in all visitors banishment from the kingdom until just recently leaving the auctioneers wary of a repeat performance, therefore a local guide familiar to the fish market staff is the best bet for actually observing this very serious ritual.

By 10:00 everyone is either hungry or sick. No revelation that fresh sushi is available at a very good price. Especially cheap for those not eating.

Then comes the jet lag crash. Spouse has a strongly held theory that sun exposure helps gets the body used to the new time zone, so the next stop is a stroll around the Imperial Palace- home to the current Emperor and Empress of Japan. Although the palace only opens twice a year, the gardens are meticulously maintained and beautiful. I hear.

His Imperial Majesty, Emperor Akihito Her Imperial Majesty Empress Michiko (and close personal friend of Spouse)

Imperial Palace Tokyo

If our guests have constitutions similar to ours, at the conclusion of the walk, we expect to pour their jellied bodies in a vehicle toward food and home.

Day 2: Omotesando, Harajuku, Meiji Shrine:

Andretti- san, cultural guide to the Clampitt family and infamous for descriptors which leave no room for interpretation, proclaimed the Omotesando shopping area as “The place for younger shoppers. Ginza is for older shoppers and foreigners.” We are non-discriminatory on our tour and cover both areas. Starting with Omotesando.

“Harajuku girls” are famous the fashion world over. These girls, of whom apparently few but the fashion elite are familiar, are the secret trend setters for the rest of the world.

The action happens along this seemingly innocuous street directly across from Harajuku station.

TakIshita-dori Harajuku

Top fashion designers “plant” test designs without labels and watch what the trendy Japanese will snap up. This street is for the teenagers in the group.

Along Omotesando, the major designers have flag-ship stores including an interesting architectural building housing Prada:

Weaving in and along Omotesando are hundreds of small shops, boutiques, and restaurants. Grab a seat, set your camera for rapid fire, and people watch- there is no place better in the city. Maybe you’ll see a “Lolita.”

CrunchyRoll.com

CrunchyRoll.com

Across from the start of TakeshIta-dori is one of the most famous and important shrines in Japan- Meiji Shrine. Read the post here.  Emperor Meiji changed the face of Japan. Nuff said- and that’s about all your kids will hear.

Weddings occur on weekends:

Shinto Wedding

Tori Gate

Day 3 Asakusa, Kappabashi, Edo Tokyo Museum:

The oldest shrine in Tokyo and in my humble opinion the biggest bang for your tourist buck. It’s all happening right here. An old shrine with everything one could want-

Scary gods guarding the entry:

A pagoda:

Healing incense:

LOTS of traditional Japanese gifts and food.

Traditional gifts range from obi (belts around kimono) to hand carved wooden combs and paper goods. All price ranges are represented.

Asahi Brewery is across the street- the building alone is worth a look. Designed to look like a frothy mug of beer. Your thoughts?

Around the corner is Kappabashi- the Kitchen district. Many people think this is a MUST SEE. Others, me for instance, wilt at the sight of kitchen ware. I can boil it down to two highlights:

The chef marking the entrance:

This- is it real or is it Memorex?

Completely fake- all made for restaurant displays somewhere in Kappabashi- THAT- I gotta see. Wax food can be a saviour- no language skill necessary if one can point to the item to be ordered.

An alternative to Kappabashi is the Edo Tokyo Museum, which houses life-size displays on the history of Japan. While I’m sure many teenagers would find this form of entertainment worthwhile, mine crossed the threshold in chains. I found it fascinating. The museum and the Offspring struggling to free themselves of the chains and the museum.

OK- time to get out of town for a few days.

Day 4 and 5 will be just outside of Tokyo- but that’s for the next post.

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Am I A Bad ExPat?

Posted on April 24, 2011 by Emily Cannell

12 Hours on a plane from Newark to Tokyo, I had just awakened from a NyQuil induced coma. A speckled hand attached to one of the few original surviving Flight Attendants still able to fly the unfriendly skies handed me a customs form, an immigrations form, and asked, “Moving to Japan? You’ve got to sign up for an Ikebana class? You’ll love it!”

“Sounds great!” I lied.
And so began 8 months of harassment to enroll in Ikebana.

http://fineartamerica.com/images-medium/ikebana-036-zen-images-ikebana-art-by-baiko.jpg

Ikebana- the art of using flowers, along every other part of the plant, in a very clean arrangement. Not limited to the lone act of dumping multitudes of flowers by varying color schemes in a vase, space is a crucial element and must also be incorporated in the design. Ikebana is practiced in silence so that reflection and the attainment of zen may be achieved.

When’s the last time you made a stick bend unnaturally and float serenely in a bowl without falling over? Sounds like a recipe for a giant fit followed by stomping and
door slamming.

The first two weeks in Tokyo were a blur of orientations, but somewhere along the acclimatization process a blonde woman appeared with a course guide. Encouraging me to “dive in and meet people” she pointed first to the Ikebana courses. Plural. Wouldn’t building my social network be thwarted by the silent environment I reasoned? In terms of non-verbal communication, I have mastered several negative postures conveyed through facial contortions expressing anger, disgust, dismay, and complete exasperation when directed at the Offspring which usually illicit varying levels of reaction, however, I’ve never thought about expanding my repertoire in order to build an actual positive relationship based on facial expressions alone.

Anyway- How could I reach a zen state while wrestling with climbing vines determined to climb my arms not my vase? I’ve stuck a few flowers in vases before- large numbers are required in order for them to stand erect- how does one accomplish this with just one or two and a branch here or there?

I demurred.

After a couple more months in Tokyo, I’d met several people, and realized I was one of the few who had not partaken in at least one Ikebana class. If any of you move to Tokyo, and elect not to participate in Ikebana, don’t tell a soul for Hell hath not fury like an Ikebana class scorned. Leagues of Ikebana supporters descended upon me.

To which, the Ikebana aficionados decided to whet my appetite with a thorough explanation of several forms which would most certainly pique my interest:

Like the Sogetsu Style: Or the Ichiyo Style:

A Little Something I Could Learn To Whip Up

Or how about Ohara Ikebana?

I appreciate Ikebana for its beauty and simplicity but I certainly don’t want to ruin it for everyone else by actually doing it myself. Even if I am the only ExPat that hasn’t taken a class…Really- it’s better this way.

This has been a good lesson for me. Although I appreciate the art form, I don’t want to learn how to do it.  I still  like the same types  of activities- I just do them here- in the Japanese way.

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Miss Hathoway- Please add these Miscellaneous Items to the Agenda

Posted on April 22, 2011 by Emily Cannell

Miss Hathoway-

Please add the following miscellaneous agenda items to our next meeting for discussion:

1) Thanks to all of you for the concern regarding my mother who is resting comfortably after her recent brush with death.

My mother, whom many know as Big Patti, recently stared down the cowl of  the grim reaper and lived to tell the tale. The sickle bearing haunt stood next to the BFF of Granddaughter #3  as she knocked on the door with a gift of Sea Monkeys freshly emerged in water and ready to grow, lovingly wrapped in paper Dixie cups.

Big Patti, playing right in to the skeletal hands of the Gruesome One, somehow heard, “Here’s some lemonade for you” instead of “Here’s a birthday present of Sea Monkeys for Shrimpus Amelius.”  Shrimpus, her elf like ears and interest peaked somewhere in the depths of the house when “Sea Monkeys” was chirped by a familiar voice in the doorway, also heard “Why thank you for the lemonade” and in a flash of understanding yelled sprinting toward the door,” Grandmama- DON’T drink the Sea Monkeys! They might be poisonous!”

Shrimpus skidded to a stop which coincided with the world abruptly slowing on its axis. All sound ceased to exist, the  glacial motion of Grandmama’s hand bringing the cup to her thin lips; Shrimpus’ reaching movement was agonizingly slow, too late to prevent the dastardly plan already set in motion by the silent specter watching in amusement. The girls gagged as the Geezer guzzled the goo down her glistening gullet. Shrimpus clawed at the air for she knew two truths- the Heimlich would be useless on Sea Monkeys and her cantankerous Grandmother was lost. The BFF was pissed her Sea Monkeys had been wasted. The Grim Reaper nodded his cowl in acknowledgement of another successful day and turned to leave in triumph.

Then- Grandmama regained her sanity and with lightening speed and cat-like agility, spat the Sea Monkey laden infiltrate all over the front porch, followed by a spraying of the girls with a second coughing spurt for good measure. GLORY BE! But- had she ingested any poisonous Sea Monkeys? What if some swam in to her gastrointestinal track and took up residence? Were they like tape worms? Robbing the body of all nutrition until they finally grow so large they- well- find an exit point somewhere south of the entry point?

Grandmama called the Tourist’s cell phone.

“It’s your mama. I just drank Sea Monkeys. What’s the number for the Poison Control Center.”

There are so many issues with the above sentence the Tourist did what any other daughter would do in a similar situation- pulled the car over and had a good belly laugh. Grandmama hung up disgusted by the sounds of her youngest daughter in tears- of laughter- at the obituary heading, ” Goodbye to Our Dear Mother, Cause of Death- Sea Monkey Overdose.”

Which was followed soon after by the following call,”

“Poison control? I just drank Sea Monkeys- are they poisonous?” That’s one to pass on to a favorite co-worker.

Big Patti is convalescing at the Tourist’s house. She’ll be visiting in June where I’m sure more hilarity will follow as I’ll innocently feed her many Japanese delicacy’s only available at Tsukiji fish market.

2) The Tasmanian Bloodhound is On the Lam–

Since the earthquake, there are a few new readers, so let me back up for a minute to explain the presence of a regularly appearing member of the Mama Cheri riding gang currently wreaking havoc in the hood- the Tasmanian Bloodhound- so named due to her exuberant nature and unmatched penchant for sniffing out unique and entertaining adventures in Japan. And I want to be just like her. Except for right now- because due to recent events her current whereabouts are listed as “Unknown” on the wanted posters. The Tasmanian Bloodhound has been the subject of much complaining in the Hood due to the high decibel rating assigned to her abode. Let’s just say, some members of her clan are cut from the same cloth.

Not long ago, TB made the long descent to the basement where upon arrival, realized that her car keys were not on her person. Although usually a fairly sane woman, she dropped the bomb a few times- the one that starts with an f and ends in the letter between j and l. Perhaps over and over and with force.  Maybe not under her breath. Of course this is all here say as I’ve definitely NOT seen or talked to her. As she stomped through the basement doing her best imitation of Blackbeard, a Japanese family with several small children listened in awe at her cunning command of the english language, absorbing her masterful use of such a word which could be used as a verb, an adjective, and a noun, but who still felt compelled to complain to the management company of our building. Who in turn were not amused that Tb had taught a small group of Japanese children such eloquent use of the king’s english. TB got another phone call as she was an exact match to the cussing American hooligan in the basement. So distressed was this native family that the building has been taken over by such an unsavory foreign element, they immediately gave 30 days notice and moved out. TB’s currently on the run- her family relegated to bad school lunches and Bento box take outs.

As I’ve said many times when referring to my homeys, hide your children, hang on to your fanny pack, we’re a bad bunch.

Top of the Line Mama Cheri with dual baskets,single finger bell operation, solar head light, auto lock, kick stand, 3 gears. I'm easily identified with my gang by the fanny pack, international grocery store recycling bags, and Ray Bans.

Top of the Line Mama Cheri with dual baskets,single finger bell operation, solar head light, auto lock, kick stand, 3 gears. I'm easily identified with my gang by the fanny pack, international grocery store recycling bags, and Ray Bans.

3) I’m a Guest Lecturer…Have Stranger Things Happened?

In a show of bad judgement, my friend Olga at “Olgaselfexpression”  in Russia has elected to singlehandedly crucify her blog with the publication of the guest post she invited me to write on Japan.  Read HERE. She has a wonderful blog site dedicated to second language learners, travel lovers, and story tellers.  Olga has great insight for those trying to learn a new language. Now if anyone Googles my name, a picture will show up of me after hiking straight up for several hours, sans make up, with hat head after being attacked and bitten repeatedly by a juvenile snow monkey. Ok- just bitten.

Now I’m off to buy Haz Mat suits for all at Don Quixote- only $15 US….Then my Emergency Kit is finally complete.

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J-Pop, K-Pop, Teeny Bops Bop till They Drop

Posted on April 19, 2011 by Emily Cannell

I am currently duck taped to a kitchen chair, my mouth stuffed with a sock worn by Offspring #1 during a track meet from the weekend, my hair piled in the sloppy bun most favored by Offspring #2 for not bothering eyes, with directives from my various familial captors to “write a post on J-Pop or you’ll never see your J. Crew boyfriend jeans in one piece again…” Their suggestions as to a blog post on this pop culture topic have been ignored on several occasions given my disinterest in the topic of pop music thus the angry mob felt imprisonment their only recourse. Until I complete this daunting tome on Japanese pop music, I’m confined to the kitchen by this mutinous, attention seeking pirate crew, bound and gagged, unable to drink coffee or interact with anyone unless it can be accomplished via this computer. The messages in your in-box  box with a subject header of “Help” are not a hoax.

J-Pop- the shortened form of “Japanese Pop” is a fascinating version- to some- of pop music in Japan. About which I was mercifully oblivious until my incarceration in the kitchen. Although inspired by the Beatles, not until the early 1990s did this genre emerge with its own name. J-Pop uses a special style of pronunciation that mimics English. Traditional Japanese music forms don’t contain sol and la (remember from fa sol la ti do fame? “Sound of Music”) however, J-Pop does. I didn’t know one could actually sing without using the major second.

All though none of us are fans of the genre, we watch with rapt attention the trappings of the show as this is part of the pop culture of Japan.

J-Pop bands are ubiquitous as the music market is the second largest in the world behind the US. Large trucks drive through Tokyo playing the latest hits.

Most quickly adopted Britney’s signature look en masse. Each girl group contains 5-20 girls, all dressed the same. CUTE is the signature look.

Truck Advertisement

Some are starting to break with the traditional tried and true school girl look to show alittle leg- although a dusting of powder masks the legginess and keeps it sedate.

"Wonderful 6" Album Cover

When viewed sideways it sounds like this:

Unfortunately for the J-Pop crew, the marketing savvy K-Pop crowd is a group of street fighters. The Korean Pop stars. These teenagers are hand-picked as kids by handlers, trained in voice and dance, and earn their stripes on tour in Korea and Japan. Once fully trained, the K-Poppers cross over to the US market where they and the male models lose the cute, some clothing, and  join forces with the true titans of Pop- Disney stars and Justin Bieber.

"The Wonder Girls" Blogs.yahoo.co.jp

And the guys:

Of course there are other genres emerging as well- J-Indie, J-Alternative etc….Based on traditional Japanese music- which is VERY different from Western music of all genres – it appears music in Japan has undergone quite a transformation in the last 50 years. But I’ll leave that for other bloggers- with musical expertise- to cover.

Now- if I’m not out of this chair in 15 minutes, I’m not doing any laundry or cooking for week.

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The New More Flexible Normal- Not For the Faint of Heart

Posted on April 15, 2011 by Emily Cannell

On April 15th last year, my taxes were filed, and the day ahead probably looked identical to the 45 preceding it. Starting with mine and Spouse’s morning coffee talk, through school drop off, to the work out session aimed at maintaining my trophy wife status, painting class which should have involved fingers, nap time, back to school, shuttle the neighborhood and Offspring to the necessary 8-10 practices within a 2 hour timeframe, dinner, homework, and cap off with the nightly coma. Mercifully no Desitin under the fingernails at this stage, just an ancient station wagon bearing the battle scars of 20 baseball hits, a bike crash or three, and a broken bottle of green glitter fingernail polish.

Neither of us had nary a clue to the international move lurking ahead; the crystal ball cloudy on the details of natural disasters in store.

The old routine quickly replaced, and then again by a more flexible routine. One which goes something like this:

Spouse and I still start the day with the indispensable coffee talk, where we review information gleaned from the day before thus ensuring neither of us have missed any crucial information necessary to the running of the smooth military unit known as Delta Force Clampitt, where all are commanders and none are soldiers. It takes the dual one- two punch of strategy and tactics to keep the unit under control in these trying times.

I scan the school emails which review the new procedures instituted post earthquake. After the earthquake hit, the roads were checked, deemed safe, and all kids were put on bused toward home. So began what would become the 8 hour trip home. Emails were sent hourly informing the parents of the location of each bus as all were equipped with GPS and cell phones, however, the cell phones were rendered non functional for large portions of time. The internet remained open for business as the only means of communication. Post earthquake- IPhones for all buses so that communication remained constant between the buses and the school.

Two- yes, two, to, too, 2, new start and end times have been instituted since the earthquake to accommodate questionable power supply. New bus schedules, new school schedules, new track schedules…. I, never one to follow the exact details of a schedule,let alone multiples, either for time or day, have had to rely on Offspring #2, in order to ensure that both Offspring actually get anywhere.

Next, peruse the paper for the latest update on the ever evolving power plant. Really, I would prefer a weekly summary as it usually involves one of the following: the power plant is burning, there’s been an explosion, it’s leaking, the rod’s are exposed, it’s hot, it’s all under control, repeat from the beginning several times.

The Japan Times

The Japan Times

And worse- for how long do we have to suffer through this?

The Japan Times

Cancer from radiation isn’t going to kill me- my nerves from the roller coaster of updates will.

During the last week, there has been a noticeable upsurge in aftershocks. Big ones. Long ones. Not welcome words when describing an earthquake. Many between 6.5 and 7.2. A few days ago a magnitude 7.1 shook the Clampitts harder than salad dressing in the middle of the night. This was followed by several more over the next 48 hours. The unfortunate consequence for the Clampitts is we just continue about our daily business as they rattle the structures around us while our compadres seek solace. One day, the kids spent half the day underneath the desks. The following day, one of the Offspring’s teachers, during an earthquake at school, told the students not to bother getting under the desks because the earthquake was too small. That particular Offspring was in full agreement.

The Japan Times

Keeping track of what food is off-limits is cumbersome. Much of the produce in Japan comes from the area around Fukushima. Immediately after the EQ, milk and spinach was banned, then it was lifted based on radiation levels being within healthy limits. Following that, milk was suspended and subsequently lifted. Now, shitake mushrooms grown outside are banned while those grown inside are acceptable. It’s getting somewhat confusing and difficult to follow, however, I would like to avoid scurvy if possible. Again, following the daily newspaper is useful as I can see what the Chief Cabinet Secretary Edano eats- assuming I can TRUST THE GOVERNMENT AND THIS IS NOT A CONSPIRACY THEORY….(many Japanese think Edano is actually leading Japan right not but alas, this is not a political blog…)

Today, we can’t eat this:

The Japan Times

But we can eat this:

The Japan Times

Unfortunately, most grocery stores don’t list the “Hometown” of the produce which makes this all very difficult- and when is the last time your mushroom told you whether it was an inside or an outside mushroom out of fear of discrimination?

So- the Clampitts are now Bagaterians- we only eat food that comes in a bag.

Next on my list of  morning “To Do’s”- tracking the radiation levels. Of which I have many sources- but this is the easiest to picture.

Here’s what it all means:

The Japan Times

We’re still in the clear. The diffuser on my hair dryer is probably causing all the Tokyo radiation.

I, of course, read the miscellaneous items along the way.

I quake in fear when reading about the packs of wild, rabid dogs roaming the evacuated areas like this pack of wolves:

The Japan Times

and exhale an anxious breath of relief knowing that rescue workers have braved “off-limits” areas to save the world from these ravenous carnivores on the prowl.

I shake my fist at the headlines:

The Japan Times April 13

Or maybe I’m the only one who thought that static and stable were the same until I looked it up. Catchy title but not helpful- or am I overly sensitive because I live here?

Then my menopausal hormones kick in and I reflect on the juxtaposition between this picture and similar articles posted in a Japanese paper on April 15, 1941:

The Japan Times

Operation Tomodachi- “Operation Friend”-  Currently, all branches of the military are involved in the search, rescue and clean up efforts as a result of this disaster. Many Japanese people have expressed gratitude to me for the efforts of the American military. A documentary produced by the Japanese showed American soldiers carrying deceased Japanese carefully and respectfully out of demolished buildings, dropping out of helicopters to rescue people and animals, distributing food and water, which otherwise would have been impossible since the Japanese do not have a military force.

On to my run in the park, then I check the Twitter feeds for BBC, Japan Times, American Embassy, London Guardian, and NPR for any news breaks that might require ingestion of iodine tablets or immediate corralling of the Clampitts.

When I left work 6 years ago, this isn’t exactly the retirement I had in mind. Isn’t your brain supposed to retire also?

And thanks to the Nose for the emergency supply of Tums.

Question: How and Where do you get your unbiased news? I’ve had to rename CNN the Crisis News Network.

Posted in Moving to Japan, We're Being Shaken and Stirred in Japan | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

When Comfort Food is a Must

Posted on April 13, 2011 by Emily Cannell

Who knew Offspring #1 and I would be snowboarding on April 10th?A particularly bothersome trip for several reasons. First, the terrain park closing meant he must improvise by creating his own, thereby turning the rest of the mountain in to his own version of home-made, disastrous fun, with me following closely behind matching his Indy car speed, video camera rolling, short of breath and having heart palpitations. Watching him take flight over the side of a precipitous drop momentarily stopped my convulsing, probably bloodless heart until I was instantaneously revived at the sight of a rising helmet on the other side.

“Mom- your turn.”

All in the rain.

A balmy 58 degrees turning the snow to a slurry sludge.

Only the fully committed testing their limits at Happo One, Nagano, Japan in these doleful conditions.

A studied and consummate liar, the biological make up of all teenagers, he’d tell me anything for a Facebook photo-op.

Offspring #1 (Pinocchio)  “Mom- let’s go to the top and take pictures.”

Ouiser   “Isn’t that the start of the Olympic Men’s Downhill? I’m not sure I can get down from there- aren’t there at least two mogul courses between there and the next run?”

OF#1 (Pinocchio)   “No- anyway- if there are moguls- just go down the side where it’s flat,” Why didn’t I notice the rapid lengthening of his nose?

His lie burned in my memory as my legs burned the 200 yards – 2 football fields- down the mogul course, my chin black and blue from close contact with my knees. I attempted to traverse a course on which I should have been immediately ejected, careening completely out of control down the “slope.” I had to find the flat part which was clearly not visible through the bouncing. Offspring #1 had the audacity to lie at the bottom laughing when I crossed the course attempting to escape the moguls, and through a miscalculation and a snowboarding first, across a large patch of newly emerged mud and thistles. The board baulked at the difference in consistency between snow and mud, abruptly stopped, whilst I continued on. Now thoroughly encased in mud, my helmet and bindings harboring numerous clumps of 24 inch grass, I snowboarded the remainder of the day impersonating a Special Ops Commander more suited to hiding in the bush.

The torturous journey allowed for at least one benefit. Documentation that I’ve snowboarded in the path of Olympians although that might not be the appropriate term. However, I did make it to this spot with a snowboard strapped to my boots.

On through the next course toward lunch.

Following the bobbing point ahead that was my son, I learned that when traveling at Mach 3, in the rain, one’s eyes tear and vision tends to blur. Everything became suddenly clear when the point I thought was my son materialized as a restaurant in to which I crashed with a clunk, my last impression being the many “O” shaped mouths facing my direction as I gently slid down the glass in a mass of wet gloves and drool. Offspring #1, unaware that most parents don’t enlist the aid of ski school children and buildings for deceleration, grabbed me by the boots and in a show of blossoming chivalry, pulled me feet first in to the restaurant.

My first thought was, ” The only consolation for this level of humiliation is a cigarette, a drink heavily laden with alcohol, and maybe some other substances of which I haven’t partaken since before the onset of age spots.”

All of those things OF#1 would might happily fetch for me. And then use himself.

Comfort Food would be a good alternative with an Offspring present.

I clutched his arm, stared intently in to his eyes, and forced yen in to his hand, “Kare to mizu o onegaishimasu.”

“Mom- I can speak English. I know what you want.”

“HAI!” Said too loudly like most Americans. “Yes” in Japanese- pronounced like Hi.

Japanese Curry.

Who knew there was such a thing?

And the national comfort food of Japan.

Not the curry taste of an Indian style curry, with varying levels of heat, and a rich flavor. This dish can be served several ways, as above, over pork katsu (a fried pork cutlet), with stew meat, vegetables only, cheese, or ground meat.

Easy to make- saute’ onions with vegetable oil in a skillet with stew meat until meat is browned on all sides, set aside. In a large pot, cover cut potatoes, carrots, and turnips with vegetable broth and bring to boil. Add meat and onion mixture and the mix below- bought in any Asian grocery store:

The curry is packaged in blocks which look like fat hunks of chocolate. Crumble blocks in stew to taste. Cook on low until meat is tender- at least one hour.

Serve with rice.

After a lunch of comfort food Japanese style I might make it through-until nap time.

Posted in Food, Moving to Japan | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

A Birthday Celebrated at Jindai-Ji Temple- Japan

Posted on April 11, 2011 by Emily Cannell

In the immortal words of Stevie Wonder celebrated in Song-

“Happy Birthday Bud-dha, Happy Birthday Bud-dha, Happy Birth…day!”

According to “experts” April 8th is the big day for Budhha. Not knowing much about the most righteous Buddha or any of his rousing incarnations, I started with Wikipedia where I confirmed that as with many of the world’s major religions, Buddhism was started by a man who if operating in the current day, would be put on a cocktail of FDA approved drugs, assigned a state funded psychiatrist, and encouraged to permanently co-habitate with altruistic family to prevent his future demise in to the ranks of homeless and starving. In Buddha’s case, he was determined to be legitimate via an assemblage of birthmarks thus the emergence of modern day Buddhism circa 400 BC.

Although not a follower of Buddha, I am a firm believer in celebrating birthdays. Especially Christmas. The American way. Materialistically. And with overeating. To celebrate the birthday of Buddha, a bunch of folks went to the second oldest temple in Tokyo- Jindai-Ji Temple in Chofu.

This temple was built around 700 AD and is affectionately referred to as the “Lover’s Temple.” (Spouse couldn’t make it.) Named because it was built in honor of two star crossed lovers who shared a forbidden passion, unable to marry with their parents’ blessing due to class difference, they ran away and had a child together. Eventually, the father of one of the young lovers built this temple in their honor- the entire center of the story is indeed missing and if anyone knows the gory details please share. BUT- young couple do go here to have marriages blessed.

Unlike a Shinto shrine, which is marked by a Tori gate, (looks like an upside down U) Jindai-Ji has a thatched roof gate entrance which illicited visions of angry Frankenstein hunters throwing flaming torches:

As always when entering a shrine or temple, there is an area where one washes hands and rinses out the mouth in order to cleanse prior to entering.

Let the celebration begin! With utmost reverence and respect, we poured sweet tea all over Buddha’s head several times.

Then we drank the sweet tea in honor of Buddha’s birthday- naturally sweetened with flowers. Everyone lied and exclaimed how “delicious” it was. I felt sure it would be the cause of my entrance in to the pet cemetery on the temple grounds as its newest permanent resident.

Unable to assume the Lotus position without splitting my skinny jeans from the calves up, I opted to skip the optional chant. Apparently the rest of the group was looking for a skapegoat to prune the party in order to overeat. We sprinted to the soba noodle shop so we could enjoy the cherry blossoms in full bloom on a full stomach.

Happy Birthday Buddha.

Main Jindai-Ji Temple

Red Bibs represent Babies, Bottom left Bell was buried up to circle opening and used as a cross to pray during times when early Christians were not allowed in Japan.

"The Dragons Mouth" Bell

Soba Noodles- The Local Specialty around Jindai-Ji Temple

Botanical Garden

Botanical Garden

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Some Things Are Hard To Understand. Culture Lesson #14

Posted on April 8, 2011 by Emily Cannell

Anticipating the vast differences between Western and Eastern Cultures, Spouse and I studied like college crammers in order to prepare ourselves and the Offspring for what would certainly be a staggering change in the daily communication. Upon arrival, we all participated- separately in a two-day seminar designed for each of us, to further enhance our understanding of the Japanese culture. According to the gurus, it is imperative for a foreigner to set aside judgement of unfamiliar and questionable practices when entering new culture in order to be successful in assimilation.

A few famous examples which test Western limits immediately come to mind. Squat toilets:

These didn’t phase me- as a friend from college pointed out- we had plenty of experience from our college days squatting over many a nasty toilet at Lee’s Tomb in Tuscaloosa. Of course, the dichotomy to the squat toilet is the Super Toilet which does everything for you:

Heated seat, plays music, makes a flushing sound to cover those embarrassing sounds, has varying flush pressure depending on “load volume,” has at least 4 settings for the bidet functions depending on gender, the lid opens when one walks in- I know one day it’s going to say my name, at night a sensor light guides the visitor in like an airplane, etc, etc. the list goes on. Ours is the low tech version- as is the camera that took the pictures.

For most people, the deal breaker to moving to Japan is the food. I don’t know why that would put the kibosh on a chance to enjoy the Far East with these yet unidentified tasty treats available to tantalize even the most discerning pallette:

This delicious snack is $140.00

All expected and taken in stride by the Clampitts, and serendipitously, the Offspring being venturesome eaters would eat dog poo if drizzled with marinara sauce.

Others are unanticipated and not covered in guides, classes and casual coffee talk.

After a week of do gooding Ouiser really needed to revert back to demonic ways of old for at least a day. My credit cards whined that a good outing in Omotesando or Ginza followed by a healthy dose of ramen noodles would clear the mind unlike any Ashtanga yoga session ever could. Andretti-san readily agreed as it allowed for much more tv time while he sat parked in the entryway of whatever store I happened to be accosting.

In Ginza, home to all the large department stores and retail outlets, I bee lined to the food basement for gifts and discovered this slice of Heaven:

Normally elbow to elbow, Japanese women with signs directing people in an orderly fashion through queues, not a competitor-err shopper- was in sight. I gleefully skipped and twirled through the store, swinging all 10 bags, knocking down every hapless pooch toting soul in my wake. “Oops- SO sorry. Was that a Pomeranian that I just knocked over the escalator shaft? He’s so small and fluffy- and he’s got on a down jacket- I’m sure he’s not hurt. “

My next stop was my most favorite ramen noodle shop in Omotesando. A weekly patron, I’m always the only Gaijin- pronounced like guy- jean- means bad word for foreigner- and the staff have watched me progress in Japanese with lightening speed from “Hi’ to “How are you?” to “It is sunny today,” in just 9 short months. Always silent and smiling, they ensure I never leave without getting my frequent eater’s card stamped.

Ko Men Ramen Shop Omotesando

The Ragin’ Ramen- Who Can Resist that Elixir of ExLax?

Normally a line snakes around the corner of the building however, that day, I walked straight up. A waiter opened the door, bowing and talking incessantly and as I entered, the cooks all yelled and clapped. Granted, I am used to this behavior upon entering clubs and social events, but not my ramen shop. I was the only one in the restaurant. I felt like I should order at least my usual plus gyoza and a couple of beers. Upon leaving, they refused to let me pay, stamped my frequent eater card 10 times,  opened the cash register and handed me a fist full of 100 yen off cards. I won’t have to pay for the next 5 visits. How do I get that sort of appreciation at home?

“Andrett-san, What the Hell is going on around here. It’s been almost 4 weeks since the earthquake. I know why the foreigners aren’t here-I’ve heard the new name- FLY-jin- everyone was scared and flew home. Are the Japanese scared? The greatest shoppers on the planet- the Japanese- are all gone? NO ONE is on the streets. Everyone is going to work?”

Andretti-san   “Japanese people are in mourning. In respect for those killed and lost, no one will show happiness. So, people won’t go out and enjoy because others are suffering.”

Ouiser   “For how long?”

Andretti-san   “Until the power plant is fixed maybe.” Yikes. That could be a year or longer.

This concept is called Jishuku. All over Japan, celebrations, golf outings, parties, are being cancelled out of respect for those lost in the earthquakes and tsunamis. This is a difficult concept for Westerners. Why do something that actually hurts the Japanese economy at a time when it faces crisis from this same force? Other countries have stopped buying Japanese goods due to radiation fears, Japanese people have stopped eating out, shopping and enjoying social outings for the forseeable future further depressing the economy, the government has encouraged the people not to publicly celebrate the cherry blossom season out of respect for the victims- hanami, and the government faces huge financial burdens rebuilding the stricken areas. According to a Western mindset, people should be doing the opposite. Get out- spend money- revive the economy! To a Western mind, it’s counterintuitive. However, this is exactly where the warning from the cultural gurus  takes on meaning. Some culture values and choices we can not understand/accept therefore in order to best assimilate one must acknowledge and accept them as the way it is in that particular culture- neither right or wrong- without judgement.

In this difficult time for Japan, we will choose to respect the choices of the Japanese people, be mindful with whom we are discussing our daily activities, and bolster the economy by buying local.

Except for shoes. Which just don’t fit the giant Clampitt feet.

*** We had a 7.4 Earthquake in the middle of the night. We had to alter our emergency plan as Spouse was the only one worried enough to actually get out of bed to investigate. The rest of us woke up enough to realize that yes, there was an earthquake, yes, it was bigger than normal, and then, we all just went back to sleep. At breakfast, we all decided that from here on out, Spouse will have to make sure we all get our LAZY you know what’s out of bed and in to the door jams.

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