Next Time We go to War, Let’s Consult the Japanese

Posted on September 15, 2010 by Emily Cannell

Think about this. The Japanese have put the American car manufacturers out of business- rightfully so. Have any of you driven a Japanese car lately? One month before we moved, we bought a Sequoia. We dutifully compared it to the Suburban. For about $8,000 less, we got all the upgrades on the Suburban standard on the Sequoia and it held its value when we sold it a month later.

Now, something more compelling and to the point. Next time we go to war, let’s consult the Japanese. Not only do they make a good car, they make everything better. I was advised to leave all appliances at home – the voltage wouldn’t match up, they wouldn’t work correctly. Well- they work fine because most places where ex pats live have the right voltage. What the books should have said was “Leave your appliances at home because they’re CRAP compared to the Japanese versions.” The stove top boils water in under 20 seconds, the iron is cordless but somehow stays hot and doesn’t require starch for 100% cotton shirts, the dryer is smaller but is a bottomless pit and dries clothes in 30 minutes, and let’s now review the toilet.

I thought the bidet was advanced. This one guides you in at night with a blue light. The lid automatically opens when you walk in the door as if in a warm greeting. The seat is heated. There are two spray options- soft and regular. There is a pressure choice. Of course you can choose high or low for flushing depending on the load. You can dry your bottom. The massaging function I’m afraid to test. The deodorizer sprays a nice scent. I’ve seen some toilets that play music and have button options for flushing noises to cover those embarrassing “sounds”.

If these things can be done to the toilet, imagine how this ingenuity can be put to good use in improving our airplanes? Maybe they’d be cheaper.

As a sidenote, the Japanese are pragmatic. The majority of the country have squat toilets- also pictured. For that reason, lots of advertising is done on Kleenex packages. At the entrance to the large subway stations, people give out Kleenex packages with ads to entice customers into the shops. Always get those when in Tokyo- you’ll need it at the squat toilet.

I still haven’t figured out which way to squat.

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Baseball is BIG

Posted on September 15, 2010 by Emily Cannell

Baseball games are a cross between a pep rally, a karaoke session, and a baseball game. When a run is scored, the fans produce umbrellas so the pitcher can “expect a shower”-as in hit the shower. The beer and hard liquor flow freely. Noise sticks are a constant. The players are pictured with real heads and cartoon bodies. (Everything in Japan is a cartoon.) I also like how the beer girls fold over their caps in order to style their hair. As is usual in Japan, the girls are styled and coifed. There are 4 professional baseball teams in Tokyo so it’s big business. I ordered a lemonade that was made from seltzer and frozen pellets of some kind- it looked really good. I offered Offspring #1 a taste- a Japanese woman in front of me stopped me – my lemonade was alcoholic. All those years of smoking ruined my tastebuds or it was a really weak drink. Offspring #1 was very disappointed.

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Crows

Posted on September 15, 2010 by Emily Cannell

The crows in the park are the size of pterodactyls. There are no squirrels. I think the crows ate the squirrels.

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Driving Practice

Posted on September 15, 2010 by Emily Cannell

A few more days of practice driving on the left side of the road at Yomiuri land is all I need.

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Pictures from my Iphone

Posted on September 15, 2010 by Emily Cannell

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Moving #3-Do you Take Your Cell Phone for Granted?

Posted on September 15, 2010 by Emily Cannell

If you do, don’t. After a 5 day trip to Japan in June, I got a $550 dollar phone bill. That was after I turned off the roaming portion. Having learned my lesson, I called AT&T before we arrived and had all 3 Iphones switched to international plans and data packages. I told offspring #1 and #2 that all text messages would cost 50 Cents each so after a certain amount the bill would not be covered. I held my breath when the plane landed and frantically checked all phones to make sure all the settings were correct not wanting a repeat performance from the previous month.

My objectives for Day 1 in Japan were aggressive: Find food, find a cash machine, and get new cell phones. It took until noon to get numbers 1 and 2 completed. My appointment with Soft bank was set for 3:00. I needed that phone. Let me review the importance of the phone:

1) Iphone software:

Glympse: Location software. Sends your exact location to the person of your choosing. In my case, allows me to locate a lost spouse and direct them home.

Tokyo Metro map: Subway maps and routes

Translation: What can I say? or can’t say in this case. I type in what I’d like to say and it converts to Japanese. The only language it doesn’t convert is Cajun.

Japanese by Coolgorilla: This helps me actually say the phrases correctly- and if I can’t I point it at the person and hit “play.”

Tokyo Maps: I can actually zoom in on the map so I can see it. I can’t see the paper maps anymore so they are useless to me.

Camera: I’ve taken pictures of my passport (in case I lose it) and the card with my address in Japanese- less paper and helps me in the cabs.

2)Of course the obvious- one can call immediate family. Texting, emailing, all the modern day conveniences that allow us to avoid mishaps.

There was one problem. A very large problem. In Japan- maybe other countries- one can not get a phone until obtaining an alien registration card. One can not get an alien registration card until securing a Visa. Did I have either of these? No. When were these expected? 3 weeks.

Old school is not easy. Especially cold turkey on short notice. Hard copy maps. Hand written notes to eachother. Planning sessions at the beginning of the day with no room for deviations. Paper schedules. Paper books with translations and an English/Japanese Dictionary. A giant purse to carry all of this paraphernalia.

We got our alien registration cards- we dash to buy our new phones- 6-8 week wait for the Iphone………..

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Posted on September 15, 2010 by Emily Cannell

I love the signs here- easy to understand. This one was on an elevator door. Looks painful.

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Culture Lesson #1

Posted on September 15, 2010 by Emily Cannell

Host Etiquette

When out to dinner, the host orders for the guests.If the host does not order for the table, the guests order what the host orders. The guests eat what is ordered. Period.

Spouse and I visited Japan to have a “look see.” During this visit, we were taken out to the finest sushi restaurant in Tokyo. This particular sushi chef buys the first tuna of the season and pays about $500,000 for the privilege. We were three of 15 people at the sushi bar. Our host, Emporer, ordered on our behalf. The first course was exceptional. Sushi in Japan has no equal.

The second course was served. It came on the beautiful pottery for which Japan is famous. On one side was a small cup. On the other, a snail. I go for the snail first. Not bad. The sushi chef motions that we should drink what is in the cup. I lifted the cup to my mouth to drink. Normally I don’t look in to my glass, however, I couldn’t help but notice the thousands of eyeballs looking up at me as I raised my glass. I decided to dispatch the eyeballs in one swallow. The gelatinous mass refused to go down. I was forced to bite this unblinking ball in half. A cacophony of explosions made me feel that everything in my stomach was now on its way up. In a panic I was afraid I would start the hysterical laughter I’m famous for at the most inappropriate times. I couldn’t look at spouse. He of course had the advantage of being able to open his throat and dump the entire contents in one motion. Years of college beer training had prepared him for this moment. I forced it down. I managed to get the second half down – imagining that all the eyeballs are yelling “no!!!!!” on their way. I was sweating- my face was the color of the tuna sushi by time this ordeal was completed.

The Emporer was a gracious host. He explained many customs that night. A few minutes after he asked- “hey- is there anything you don’t eat?”— well yea- eyeball shooters.

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Parking is a Problem

Posted on September 15, 2010 by Emily Cannell

How to park? Back on to the tiny circle in the tiny spot. (sensors on the outside of your car  will be screeching to help guide you in) the circle will rotate your car 180 degrees to an elevator. The elevator will open, an attendant drive your car on to a one spot conveyer belt. There are several cars above and below. The attendant gives you a number- say A23. Your car is now in the equivalent of a car vending machine. When you are ready to retrieve the car, enter a passcode and A23 – the car miraculously appears in the opening of the elevator.

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Sand Hills in West Texas

Posted on September 14, 2010 by Emily Cannell

Ok- this isn’t Japan- it’s outside of Midland, Tx. All of the sudden, out of nowhere, these sand dunes appear. When I lived in West Texas, we used to drive out to these dunes with blankets and pull each other down these sand dunes. I flew over them on my way back last weekend. I think this is one of the top 10 most strange things I’ve ever seen.

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