Menopause? As if moving to Japan with two kids fully infused by teenage hormones wasn’t enough. Could this explain the newly acquired hermit like habits of Spouse? A more complicated situation does come to mind. One of my sleep deprived friends who once lamented her perimenopausal state is now contemplating writing a blog entitled, “Breastfeeding with bifocals.” (I’ll keep you posted)
Thus far my new status has only expressed itself in the form of hot flashes. The Offspring were truly impressed when upon the removal of my snowboarding helmet, the noggin generated enough steam to warm a 15 foot circle around us. Little did the skiing public know that the hot chocolate came with a free sauna treatment.
Unfortunately, this also highlighted my advanced age to our snowboarding instructor. As we headed up the lift for some tips, he shivered while I sweated. Mistaking my dripping perspiration for apprehension, he attempted to calm my nerves. I explained I was just “Hot.” Probably not a good word to use with someone his age especially when referring to one’s 40 something self. By the time we got to the top of the lift, fog completely obscured my goggles. Now not only was I a bad snowboarder, I was a blind one. I became the bowling ball, the rest of the snowboarders and skiers my pins. It was all downhill from there.
When I was a kid, I was fascinated by spontaneous combustion. The snow enhanced these feelings of being on the brink of erupting in to flames. The boots I’ve come to love for their comfort and warmth became an oven in which my feet sloshed noisily in liquid sweat as I walked around the lodge. Apparently I have sweat glands under my eyes which ran constantly causing my eye make up to turn me in to a panda face.
There are a few favorite shot bars in Tokyo where ExPats routinely imbibe in a few too many. Recently I heard a rumor. As Spouse’s grandfather used to say,”Never sacrifice a good story on the altar of truth.” Anyway, a usually quiet and demure housewife had a few too many and took off her shirt in the bar. Upon further thought, it has occurred to me, she was probably having a hot flash and in her drunken state, it seemed quite natural to remove the offending article causing the burn. I’ll either have to stop drinking or ensure my undergarments are presentable to the public prior to going out.
It never occurred to us when having children at this late stage that this hormonal havoc could happen simultaneously. Poor Spouse, what happens when the mood swings hit? At once? That should be hilarious.