Menopause? As if moving to Japan with two kids fully infused by teenage hormones wasn’t enough. Could this explain the newly acquired hermit like habits of Spouse? A more complicated situation does come to mind. One of my sleep deprived friends who once lamented her perimenopausal state is now contemplating writing a blog entitled, “Breastfeeding with bifocals.” (I’ll keep you posted)
Thus far my new status has only expressed itself in the form of hot flashes. The Offspring were truly impressed when upon the removal of my snowboarding helmet, the noggin generated enough steam to warm a 15 foot circle around us. Little did the skiing public know that the hot chocolate came with a free sauna treatment.
Unfortunately, this also highlighted my advanced age to our snowboarding instructor. As we headed up the lift for some tips, he shivered while I sweated. Mistaking my dripping perspiration for apprehension, he attempted to calm my nerves. I explained I was just “Hot.” Probably not a good word to use with someone his age especially when referring to one’s 40 something self. By the time we got to the top of the lift, fog completely obscured my goggles. Now not only was I a bad snowboarder, I was a blind one. I became the bowling ball, the rest of the snowboarders and skiers my pins. It was all downhill from there.
When I was a kid, I was fascinated by spontaneous combustion. The snow enhanced these feelings of being on the brink of erupting in to flames. The boots I’ve come to love for their comfort and warmth became an oven in which my feet sloshed noisily in liquid sweat as I walked around the lodge. Apparently I have sweat glands under my eyes which ran constantly causing my eye make up to turn me in to a panda face.
There are a few favorite shot bars in Tokyo where ExPats routinely imbibe in a few too many. Recently I heard a rumor. As Spouse’s grandfather used to say,”Never sacrifice a good story on the altar of truth.” Anyway, a usually quiet and demure housewife had a few too many and took off her shirt in the bar. Upon further thought, it has occurred to me, she was probably having a hot flash and in her drunken state, it seemed quite natural to remove the offending article causing the burn. I’ll either have to stop drinking or ensure my undergarments are presentable to the public prior to going out.
It never occurred to us when having children at this late stage that this hormonal havoc could happen simultaneously. Poor Spouse, what happens when the mood swings hit? At once? That should be hilarious.
Hey from Japan- or wherever the moving van arrives- Emily Cannell 
Ha!!!!! So funny!!!! It is a good thing I wasn’t your ski instructor bc I would have assumed that your advanced age, combined with anxious appearing perspiration was a SURE SIGN of an impending full on cardiac arrest. You would have been met at the top of the mountain with two aspirin, the nearest ancient Japanese
centenarian’s oxygen, and a whirring waiting AirEvac.
All kidding aside, I love the visual of the steam emanating from your head. AND the fact that it was not precipitated by rage on your part. It is a good thing you are entering menopause somewhat bewildered. The other possibilities are too frightening!!!! I imagine you walking along the snowy hillside thinking “why is this cloud of steam following me everywhere I go? “. Sort of like when an old person farts especially long and loud and has no clue it is emanating from their own butt.
Dear, this is turning raunchy. Love your blog!!!! Miss you terribly!!!!!
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Maybe you should’ve met me at the top!
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Very funny! Not your discomfort, but the telling of the story. Hope I will have such a good sense of humour about it . . .
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We’ll see how long that lasts!
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SO relieved to hear I am not alone (remind me to tell you about “puddling” in my ball gown…not suitable for posting). Two words: FLAX MEAL. Not only is it high in Omega-3s, it curbs the flashes. I have been putting it in my oatmeal/yogurt/smoothies for about 3 months and the difference has been miraculous! If you can’t find any I will mail you a care package!
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Thanks for the tip- I’ll start looking!My ball gowns will thank you…..
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Wow, had no idea Omega 3’s/flax could help with hot flashes. Going to try that.
Hot flashes are the reason I don’t ever straighten my hair. On the rare occasion I have, I inevitably endure a hot flash of steamy menopausal power that leaves me with a crown of curls that refuse to be controlled.
I generally turn toward anyone staring (as I peel off layers of clothing during freezing weather) that “my thermostat is broken”. If they’re lucky they won’t get caught staring during a mood swing. That could be dangerous.
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I got to see that Doo…
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Oh poor you! I haven’t had the joy of experiencing hot flashes yet. I say the spouse better just hide under the bed during the mood swings. Then again, most men are used to us going mental at least once a month, so perhaps, it will be nothing new to him 🙂
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Agree- I think Spouse thinks my personality is unusual anyway- not sure a mood swing would phase him.
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Wow, this is going to lead to some fun times. My mom went through menopause at around the same time my brother and I were teenagers. Not very happy times!
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Hmmmmm-maybe it was just your brothers. Just kidding!
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Ah – the joys of fighting over the heat setting (me…60 degrees, teenagers and spouse 72), and waking up with the fear you have peed all over the bed since you are dripping in sweat, and then the lovely responses your family gives you with your mood swings and generally testiness….only to be magnified by their moodiness and general hatred for all things “parent”. Spouse has lost 22 pounds since Jan 3 and has claimed the basement family room as his sanctuary away from it all…only to slink to floor 2 for bed – hopefully without being noticed and/or stopped for a wife intervention…
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I think he’s going through sympathy menopause!
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Me too! I will have to try the Flax Meal…my hot flashes happen at night and when I start shedding my clothes…I feel this arm reaching over and I have to swat back…leave me alone!!! Can’t wait till they are over! Wish they happened on the slopes though…
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That is hilarious!!! Thanks for sharing that night sweat story- it made my day…
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