“Miss Hathoway, please make the following urgent phone calls. Don’t leave your desk until these are completed.”
1) Please call the US State Department, the US and Japanese Embassies, and NHK News to distribute the following news bulletin on behalf of Ouiser Clampitt:
‘The citizens of Shibuya-ku in Tokyo can resume normal daily activities. Spouse Clampitt has returned from an abnormally long overseas business trip during which a failed coup attempt by Offspring #’s 1 and 2 was put down by the remaining and unamused parental unit left operating solo in enemy territory. The hostiles staged the coup attempt after Ouiser Clampitt refused to eat at TGI Fridays for the fourth night in succession claiming extreme diarrhea and severe mental anguish due to harsh conditions. The hostiles countered claiming that upon Spouse’s departure, “Mom” subjected them to inferior treatment discontinuing all normal duties such as laundry, cooking, and grocery shopping. Ouiser refused to negotiate with the terrorists/children and summarily squashed the rebellion by raising the big kitchen whisk in the air yelling, “I’m going to commence whisking and I can’t help whoever’s hair gets caught in it!!!” which dissipated the angry mob in to various hiding places throughout the house until Spouse happily appeared in the door way.’
2) Call the American Embassy for Circulation to all ExPats with the following information attached for reference:
On a recent informational lunch meeting with the Social Chairman, she relayed the following important safety information. SC has been equipping her children’s bathroom with wipes as certain members are not keeping her exacting standards of hygiene. Recently, her housekeeper Flicka inquired as to the exact usage of said wipes. Although embarrassed to outline the gory details to Flicka, the Social Chairman went through a lengthy and specific explanation to which Flicka replied:
“M’am- those are kitchen wipes”
3) Please Put in My Follow Up Folder- Culture Lessons: Some of you have been asking for more reviews of Culture issues that may be of help when visiting Japan. Unfortunately, and in spite of my best efforts, I’ve learned many of these the hard way and have catalogued them in a new menu tab at the top of the page. This will make them easier to find as most were done earlier in our stay. Additionally, I will start to post a new culture lesson once every one or two weeks. Thanks to you for your suggestions!
Here’s to you!!