When we last left off, pots and pans, the coffee pot, and two suitcases were hog tied to the top of the car. Neither me, nor Offspring #2, nor any number of thieves would be able to break in to that bag once I was finished with the bungee cord -which also meant it would be inaccessible for the rest of the trip. However, I`d rather that then seeing pots and pans clanging down the highway in the rearview mirror as I did my bike one ill-fated road trip.

Our day was doomed from the start when these guys settled down on the neighbor`s roof.

I chose to look at the positive aspect of this sighting by adopting the Native American view of animal visits. Fittingly, a buzzard means “new life” in animal speak. After 4 moves in 3 countries spread out over 4 years, starting a new life wasn`t as appealing as it was 12 moves ago. But, the alternative view, being on the look out for something dead and rancid was less appealing.

Honestly, after six hours of looking at corn ….

admiring the highlights along the way,

and wondering who said, ” How much f`ing ham is served in 65 restaurants anyway?”

I was feeling punch drunk. Admiring 500 miles of corn provides an explanation as to why top tourist attractions such as the world`s tallest golf tee (Casey, IL) and largest rocking chair (Fanning, MO) are hot spots in a mid Western tour. Somewhere between Cuba, Lebanon, and Paris, Missouri, the scenery started to change.

When this….

morphed in to this….

I called the Nose to inquire as to the boundaries of Tornado Alley.

When we headed in to this….

I woke up the hibernating Offspring #2 for a tornado check on Weather.com. Clear skies according to the meteorologist sleeping at his computer station.

First came the rain, then came the wind, then came small objects, garbage, branches, and tiny animals blowing across the road.

“I`m pulling over at that exit ahead or we might be the next thing blowing down the road.”

But between us and the exit, a tornado blew over the highway about a football field`s distance away, dropped a barn on the road, and was promptly hit by two trucks. Several myths regarding tornadoes were dispelled from my mind that day-

1. It might make the sound of a freight train but it`s not loud enough to drown out OS#2`s music
2. I didn`t see it coming from miles away like they do on storm chasers
3. Don`t count on the cars around you to be smart about the need to take cover- They`re just as stupid as you are.
4. A lady flying through the air on a bike isn`t the cue that a tornado is on her tail.

I didn`t see any red shoes in the vicinity.

After sitting on the highway for three hours, we made our way to the next exit shaking and ready for a bathroom. The tornado had knocked out the town`s power which was why all the Subway employees were just hanging out when we came in to borrow the facilities.

“Whose barn was it?” Asked one of the management trainees.

I assumed in a town so small that barns are recognizable  a stranger in town would be also. Well that would be wrong.

5 More days to go…..