The Clampitts regret to inform all family and friends about the passing of our beloved family member- the Hurricane, so named for her ability to wreak havoc and infuse destruction in to all situations.
A backyard service was held where various family members, close friends, and colleagues gathered to celebrate her life. Of crime. Following are the highlights:
Grandmama: “Remember the time the Hurricane ate the chicken off the stove then pranced through the living room with a baguette sticking out each side of her mouth? I never did get used to putting dinner in the microwave or the cabinets to keep it from becoming dog food.”
UPS Driver: “It was a nice break in my day to just sit in my truck and honk at the curb when I made deliveries to the Clampitt house. Running packages to and from the door is so much more tiring.”
Pool Man: I`ll never forget having to call Mrs. Clampitt, “Ouisar-san, this is the pool man. I`m in my truck in your driveway and your dog is attacking the tires. Can you please come and get her?”
Yard Man: “Who knew a lawnmower could be used for self-defense?”
Neighbor: “I`ll always be thankful to the Hurricane for smelling the fire about to burn my house down when we were out-of-town. If she hadn`t gone wild barking and running in circles the Clampitts would never have been alerted to the fire in time to call 911.”
Niece: “She was the best at playing hide and seek. She always found us.”
Partner- the Chopper– “Finally I get the back to myself.”
BFF The Swiss Lady: “She never was able to teach me quite how to open the drip pan drawer on the turkey fryer.”
I`ll certainly miss her talent for appearing regal in a plus-sized sweater:
We miss you.