“Miss Hathoway, please make the following urgent phone calls. Don’t leave your desk until these are completed.”
1) Please call the US State Department, the US and Japanese Embassies, and NHK News to distribute the following news bulletin on behalf of Ouiser Clampitt:
‘The citizens of Shibuya-ku in Tokyo can resume normal daily activities. Spouse Clampitt has returned from an abnormally long overseas business trip during which a failed coup attempt by Offspring #’s 1 and 2 was put down by the remaining and unamused parental unit left operating solo in enemy territory. The hostiles staged the coup attempt after Ouiser Clampitt refused to eat at TGI Fridays for the fourth night in succession claiming extreme diarrhea and severe mental anguish due to harsh conditions. The hostiles countered claiming that upon Spouse’s departure, “Mom” subjected them to inferior treatment discontinuing all normal duties such as laundry, cooking, and grocery shopping. Ouiser refused to negotiate with the terrorists/children and summarily squashed the rebellion by raising the big kitchen whisk in the air yelling, “I’m going to commence whisking and I can’t help whoever’s hair gets caught in it!!!” which dissipated the angry mob in to various hiding places throughout the house until Spouse happily appeared in the door way.’
TheManualLabor.BlogSpot.com
2) Call the American Embassy for Circulation to all ExPats with the following information attached for reference:
On a recent informational lunch meeting with the Social Chairman, she relayed the following important safety information. SC has been equipping her children’s bathroom with wipes as certain members are not keeping her exacting standards of hygiene. Recently, her housekeeper Flicka inquired as to the exact usage of said wipes. Although embarrassed to outline the gory details to Flicka, the Social Chairman went through a lengthy and specific explanation to which Flicka replied:
“M’am- those are kitchen wipes”
3) Please Put in My Follow Up Folder- Culture Lessons: Some of you have been asking for more reviews of Culture issues that may be of help when visiting Japan. Unfortunately, and in spite of my best efforts, I’ve learned many of these the hard way and have catalogued them in a new menu tab at the top of the page. This will make them easier to find as most were done earlier in our stay. Additionally, I will start to post a new culture lesson once every one or two weeks. Thanks to you for your suggestions!
Here’s to you!!
WWW.Crunchyroll.com
Hey from Japan- or wherever the moving van arrives- Emily Cannell 
I absolutely LOVE how you write these stories and real HOOD events!!!Thanks to you, i will not have to write in my journal once again. You have a way with saying the events which makes me cry laughing.
? – have you written about skiing into the side of the mountain????? This is strictly for the pleasure of Offspring #2!!!!!!!
Hugs
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I have it written down to use but haven’t worked it in to anything yet… It WAS funny.
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LOL
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Things have been a tad on the wild side around here but back under my thumb.
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Um, not to quibble with Flicka, but the wrapper on those wipes says “toilet cleanser.”
Not that I think it makes a lot of difference, unless there’s some special ingredient that sets Japanese kitchen cleaner apart from bathroom cleaner. There was an all-purpose cleanser I used to buy that was made from orange oil: it worked great, but I didn’t want to use it in the bathroom because I just did not want to associate the smell of oranges with the toilet. Oranges you eat, and the bathroom was the last place in the world I wanted to associate with food.
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Hahahha!!! I just took a picture of the only wipes I had in my pantry- as you can see- my Japanese reading is coming along slowly- or not at all. Maybe one could actually use what I had on the kids? Kidding.
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Well, the hospital has taken to placing tubs of super steri-wipes for us to wipe off our stethoscopes with. Despite the warnings- in English- there have been more than a few patients’ butts cleaned with them, and they are NOT made with orange oil!! Hopefully anyone having their butt wiped by someone else isn’t very aware of the nasty rash it likely leaves behind (but no MRSA/VRE!!!).
I would like to say “I feel your Pain”, but then ya’ll might think I’m using the steri-wipes on my own butt, which I am not. Although after the conversation I had with Ouiser last week about a recent long distance running mishap, maybe I need to keep some with me for use OUTSIDE the hospital!!!!
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I have no response to that.
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So the Offspring are realizing that Mom wields some real power and can make their lives pretty miserable by withholding essential services?!
About #3: I’m finding the stories about how everybody is coping with the move interesting as well. Think you call them the “M” series.
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Or maybe it’s the “Moving Lessons” I’m thinking of – or both?!
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Hmmm – I was thinking just the Hathoway letters? Their really a catch all for misc stuff? What do you think?
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I struggle with the M series. Kids are old enough to get embarrassed by it therefore I have to be careful which kills the creativity- not sure how entertaining it is to anyone but me and you?
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My family has banned me from writing about them, so I know how you feel – an absolute creativity killer! The stories I could tell, but am not allowed to . . .
Getting back to your blog . . . You’ll have to decide on that. As you must have gathered I’m working my way through your archives (which I’m forced to do because you haven’t written your book yet 😉 ), so I’m getting all my questions answered as I read.
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It makes me feel so good that you are reading and enjoying! Thanks!!!!
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Yes- there are a few ideas I’ve got written down about that…….
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Hi, I just heard about the major earthquake and tsunami in Northern Japan. Are you and your family okay?
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We’re all ok- just SHAKEN up.. Haha. It was a big one. Scary. And long. The place is a mess right now- of course more later….
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Loved the photo from Crunchy Roll. Is everyone okay? I just heard about the earthquake and tsunami, after watching the news, I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes. Of all countries, Japan holds a very special place in my heart, so I am relieved to see your above comment saying you’re shaken, but okay. Thank god…
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I know- I see them around too- it’s a particular style of dress and they really look cool. All is good for us- the poor people affected by the tsunamis are not doing as well…
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Visual Kei, I think it’s called, or something like that. It’s almost a mix of Glam Rock and Goth with a special unique Japanese touch that takes it to another level. Very beautiful actually. I need to have a Japanese vampire who looks like that in one of my stories I think 🙂
Been watching the news and I’m keeping fingers crossed there are no more casualties. Just relieved the Japanese are so well prepared, more so than other countries, but still, the power of nature is so powerful, we often forget how powerful and destructive.
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Japan is definitely more earthquake prepared especially with all the new building and strict building codes. The tsunamis are hard to combat. I hope Hawaii is ok.
I think the idea of a visual key vampire is FANTASTIC! I’ve always thought they looked like very cool vampires!
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Just heard the news too. Scary. Stay safe!
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Thanks dear- everyone here is all good. Poor Offspring have been stuck on the bus trying to get home for the last 6 hours but they’ll live!!!
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very nicely written and explained.
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Thank you so much- very nice of you to comment.
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You are female? I have been reading your posts and I thought that you were at dad until just now. I would love to read what your husband would write if he were to write on here.
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Also, I do not think that you are Clampity at all. I am impressed by your cool demenor and your ability to communicate to such a huge audience at a time like this. Did your children really arrive safely home from school? Also, the thing about the woman wiping up tomato sauce off the the grocery store floor with her hands. That touched me.
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Hahahah- he won’t but the post in the works is from the Offspring and their perspective is – interesting….
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You are not the first to mistake the Ouiser for a man. I think that is why she has such an affinity for Big Hair and Lipstick. Signed, her sister The Nose. But really, she is a very beautiful woman, although she has inner workings (which show in her writing and thinking skills) more typical of a man. A Powerful Man.
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You better hope my man hands are encased in boxing gloves when I pound you about your itsy bitsy easy to pound head and shoulders…. Bring your pads.Your soccer cleats can’t save you now. Signed- Your BIG Sister
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Thank you.
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heheheheh! Ah, ‘kitchen wipes?’ precious! 🙂
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I was like next time just put a tub of clorox and a hand towel out for them…
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good
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Smile (Don’t know how to do the face)
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lol, cool
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