Original Post via Email July 2010:

According to the Japanese authorities, our dear 4 year old guinea pig, Truffles, male, failed a critical immigration test. We of course know of this test and tried to pass Truffles off as a small dog- one of the lesser known Asian species of dog. The Japanese authorities gave Truffles the acid test- the leash test. When the leash was put on Truffles neck area, he of course failed the test because rodents have no neck. He was immediately identified as a fraud, labeled a “rodent” and stamped “reject” along with all amphibians and reptiles. 
This leaves us in the predicament of trying to find him a temporary home for the next 2 years- maybe longer….

Resolution

Although skeptical of saintly intervention, as a faithful Catholic I felt heavenly intervention on Truffles behalf would certainly be helpful. Having taught CCD for three years, I had several targets in mind. I sent out an email, called every teacher I’d ever met and dozens of friends and acquaintances, and of course offered yearly stipend -a bribe . I’m happy to report that St. Francis of Assisi produced 3 viable candidates. My Catholic friends avoided the crooked finger of the patron saint of animals- by a narrow margin- in favor of a wonderful Jewish family. Truffles now gets oranges daily on the lap of a caring 2nd grader who reads Harry Potter to him out loud. Not only did Truffles get a good home, he traded up. I’m rethinking my current stance on saints.